UNQUALIFIED All files
Specimen 0001 sold its food supply for a picture of a monkey. Specimen 0002 bought it at a 400% markup. Specimen 0003 started a motivational podcast. Specimen 0004 convinced the scientists to provide exit liquidity. The scientists described this as “unexpected leadership.”
I-001-A Podcast contamination
The podcast has no listeners. This has not prevented six scientists from calling themselves early adopters. The microphone is a potato.
I-001-B Exit interview
The subject left with the research budget. The research team left with a whitepaper. HR has marked both departures as mutually beneficial.